Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Brethren, Part 3

Today is the feast of the conversion of St. Paul. Which is interesting to me on multiple levels.

I left here about an hour ago with a heavy heart. Many reasons for that--after all, see yesterday's events. Other reasons, too. I invest way too much of myself in other people, and it's always a big rude shock when that investment is not reciprocated.

Just because I *deal* well doesn't mean I actually take it well.

Anyway. Found myself at the 7 am mass, saw G's pm bus driver (who DH believes has a crush on me) and Fr M was saying the mass. The big question in my heart went unanswered....well, actually, I think it *was* answered, but it wasn't the answer I wanted to hear.

So, at consecration, I found myself asking another question. And the answer came almost instantaneously.

While it wasn't *quite* what I wanted to hear, my heart lightened. Perspective was lent to the previous question. And I decided I wanted to ask Fr. M to breakfast.

So after mass, I flagged him down and asked if I could interest him in breakfast. And seeing him right in front of me let me know the answer was no--he looked exhausted. But the invite pleased him.

I told him I'd hold him to a future date. Then he thanked me for introducing him to M & L, whom he had dinner with on Monday--said they were good, good people and thanked me for introducing them to him--they had a great evening.

"You're the good news, here, Liz, God's working through you," he said. And he hugged me goodbye, a real hug, not caring who saw.

I practically skipped home from church.

And I find myself asking "So what?"

I need to be reminded of what's real, what real differences I'm making. Because talk is just talk--if there be change, I want to *see* it.

For the rest of it, time will tell. The last couple of days have been as disappointing as they have been enlightening. But whatever happens, I can't let it wreck my good time.

And for today, it *will not* spoil my music.

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