Weighing Options, Running, Punting...

How did we get to November already? It just seems like last week I was worrying about how to spend the six weeks between the end of ESY and the start of school. I'm forever reminded that nothing lasts.

So doors shut, and as ever, windows open. I just inked a new contract yesterday. And as usual, the opportunity dropped in my lap out of the clear blue sky. I'm grateful for that.

School, well, let's see, we're up to four calls from the principal, two teacher meetings, one IEP meeting, one FBA (scheduled--I think...good point, better follow that up with a phone call on Monday). Gabriel is blossoming but having wardrobe malfunctions; Nic is struggling with his inner slacker.

G amazes me, because he has suddenly become quite the artist. He never drew so much as a happy face, and now he draws some pretty complex objects and landscapes.

Nic, meanwhile, is taking comfort in Collodi's Pinocchio, Poptropica, and power bowling in Wii. I think he is suffering from Weltschmerz.

DH just had a bunch of medical tests done, and the doctor called and left a message that he would talk to him on Monday. I don't like 5:30 pm Friday phone messages.

I just had a bunch of discretionary stuff pulled from me, which is probably fine, since I didn't have time for it, anyway. I stepped away from a couple things, which I needed to do for a variety of reasons.

I'm still trying to make my peace with some of it. I know I did what I did for the right reasons, but I'm having problems articulating what those are. Sometimes, you just know you are right, but can't say why. I'm trying to get the words together, because not being able to explain yourself lands you in other difficulties.

I'm thinking of an earlier betrayal that literally left me without words.

Anyway.

I think of where I've been, and where I'm going, and I know I am headed in the right direction. But sometimes, life has a way of piling work, kids, relationships, responsibilities and other sundry stuff in my path, and I have to figure out what I can move and what I can climb over. Sometimes I try to move the wrong things. Other times, I try to climb over that which can be moved and end up ass over teacups.

But I get up, brush myself off, and move on.

Some things that happened yesterday remind me of how far I've come. I had some news that at one point would have wrecked my weekend.

Now, well, we'll fix what needs fixing and start fresh on Monday.

After all, nothing lasts forever. Hard times least of all.

How Do You Spell Devastation?

L-o-s-i-n-g m-y n-e-u-r-o.

I just got the bad news at 10 am and now the reality is hitting. He's a crucial member of my team and he is moving 2,760 miles west.

(Banging head against a hard surface)

I'm meeting with Nic's teacher tomorrow am to discuss his grades, the science test he bombed, and ways to motivate him. Today, we finally got his EKG done and G dodged a bullet because he's actually running a temp and couldn't get his booster today.

Busy and productive day so far. But I am just devastated at the hit we just took.

Catching/Cleaning Up

My Phils aren't dead, but they are on a respirator. Go Lee!

This weekend was a blast--the kids trick or treated with friends for the first time, they were both what they wanted to be for Halloween, AND we did manage to get to Sesame Place for Variety's Spooktacular (and I got to catch up with people I haven't seen in a few months).

We had a great time, and managed to hold onto our clock/schedules despite the time change. I think it'll be a good week.

The kids' parties went off fine, I settled things out with the one room mom, we went to our first pumpkin carving party in the neighborhood, and I went to see BW for the fifth year running.

Jam-packed week. And I have to see if I can get the kids in for flu shots.

November ALREADY??

Happy Halloween!

First ever trick or treating with friends. It's been a good one.

Shoehorning into the Fabric of the Community

Don't have a whole lot of time to write, but wanted to get a few thoughts in. Had some work bluebird in and have been doing that, getting reconnected with people, went to a funeral, ran around getting H'ween costumes together, and today is the parties/parade at school.

I didn't get the email out until Wednesday about Nic's party, but that was almost scary in how quickly it gelled. People want to help, they just don't know how and need instructions. I asked, and I received. Yay, God.

So I went to a funeral on Tuesday for the priest who counseled my dad through his last illness. It was a gorgeous service, and there is nothing more entralling than 50 priests singing Salve Regina, a cappella, in Latin. The pastor gave a great sermon on reflecting on the word 'yes,' and how Fr Bob said 'yes' in his own life and death.

It was one of those times where I was very happy that I chose to be some where.

We were invited to a pumpkin carving/pizza party last night, so I brought the boys, a bottle of wine, and a small pumpkin. The pumpkin is cute, with a face that G designed, and it was a nice outing and a good opportunity for the neighbors to finally get to know my boys.

I think at the very least, we are no longer scary to people.

Hubby and I went to see Brian Wilson at the Keswick after. Mom sat for the boys, and they went to bed on their own for her (which is something they never do for us!)

We are making headway. Yeah, we're still odd, but we have Chase Utley hanging in our doorway, my kids at least want to be near the other kids, and the other kids don't seem to mind, so....it's good.

Humility

This is something I am coming back to quite a lot lately, and what I find so amazing is that the whole bitch kitty throw down that happened in my living room went a long way to knocking down my presumptions about myself and everyone else.

For example. I've spent years looking over the other side of the fence--or the driveway, I guess--wondering what 'normal' looked like to every one else and wishing I could have a piece of that.

I'm finding that every one else's normal is a mystery to even them.

Meaning, whatever I have managed to cobble up here does work for us, for the most part. We are not perfect. I am disorganized, DH is forgetful, and the boys have heads like granite. Most of our life is chaotic, unplanned, unscripted, and unedited--meaning, that our outdoor face is the same as our indoor face. What you see is really what you get, whether you like it or not.

I continue to p*ss people off. I find that the harder I try to please, the less that works out, so why bother?

(There are some things I need to bother about, and I am working on those)

Spending Saturday with an old family friend was an amazing experience. We talked at great length about humility, and I told him some of the things that have been happening here with me, us, and the whole nine. At 5 am Sunday am, I felt like I had all the answers.

I went to church yesterday, and the gospel of St. Mark was about the beggar who demanded to be given his sight.

Fr M knocked another sermon out of the park--talking about the demand, backed up by the faith that the demand would be heard--and granted.

And he went on to say that we don't always get our prayers answered--or we do, but they just aren't the answer we expect.

I've known that forever. But I needed to hear it yesterday.

More on humility a little later on, as this is all connected.....

Momentary Quiet

I shipped three projects yesterday; two for good, one I'm just waiting on a couple more revisions, then that can ship too.

So, now that I am officially jobless for the first time in months (and I don't expect that to last, because it never does), I will spent the coming week catching up on all the birthdays and anniversaries I missed because I was either crazed working or crazed in autism land or both. I don't expect anyone who doesn't live this to understand, so humility and an apologetic heart is all I have to offer, and people can accept or reject as they see fit.

I'm all about owning the balls I drop. And picking them up. And apologizing. And moving on. I don't blame anyone but myself. But I do struggle with bandwidth constantly, and sometimes I am just unable to keep up. All I can do is apologize when I can't. No excuses. This is what I did or didn't do, and I am sorry.

I'll be doing that a lot this coming week. I actually don't mind. I don't have a problem backing down when I am wrong. I used to. Then I grew up.