So I’m still on the struggle bus, loss pooling out around me. When I’m okay, I’m okay; when I’m not, I’m REALLY not. Lately, I’m really NOT.
Is it physical? The incandescence of hot flashes are back after nearly a year of nothing. Random heart acceleration. Tears. I was triggered on a group call this morning and I’m in tears thinking of that.
We won’t get into the random panic attacks.
So going to try to sort this out. I can’t do much of anything else until I do.
It’s been a minute.
In that time, I started a new gig, elder ended one of his, and younger made honor society at the community college. Hubby is still hanging in, doing his thing, went fishing and caught dinner a couple times. I’m on the struggle bus with a few things.
“You liked us better when we were younger,” elder spat recently. “You wish we were little again.”
As maddening as he can be, he’s not wrong. Lately the both of them from different time points haunt my dreams. Elder sometimes has an otherworldly sense of when this stuff hits with me; it’s not like I talk about it, since whatever rant I’m on is here and now. But this is the kid who talked with the sister he never had in this world as a toddler, so it shouldn’t surprise me.
I managed to get through most of my to-do list in the five weeks I was not otherwise engaged, but I still have a couple bigger ticket items to knock out. I’m going to try to knock those out while the new gig isn’t too much going on. Try to get the boys settled. Try to get my own head on straight.
Tall order, but let’s get it done.
