I am still pushing that &*^%$$ thing up the mountain. If I get the words down, it will be easier to edit. I need to finish getting the words down by 11 or so. Then I can start making it all make sense.
But a conversation with DH last night actually confirmed that YES, this is a tough assignment on a number of levels. But I will get it done, and get it done well, because that's what I do.
But the southern fried nerves aren't helping much, and I need to figure out the kids' respective situations. I think I need a vacation. I will not get one. I need to figure out another way to recharge.
I found myself up at 4 when my little one wandered in. I remember his babyhood pretty vividly--more so than I expected I would, being so immersed in Nic and his issues back in that particular day. All he had to do was snuggle in next to me, and bang, there I was, almost 6 years ago, his little head tucked under my chin, Baby Paxil. All I had to do was pick him up and immediately I was in a happier place.
I remembered, too, an April afternoon 9 years ago when I was walking back from lunch with DH at the lab, Nic nestled in his sling, napping, holding my right index finger tightly as I walked with him.
I'm finding I remember more than I think I do....