Sunday, June 7, 2009

Song of 7/Ditched again

I came back from a walk and found G out front with DH playing with the stomp rocket. DH went inside, Perky's kids showed up and played with mine.

Until grandson who called Nic a butthole last year showed up, and as per usual my kids were ditched...again.

Burns my ass, since my kids always invite Perky's kids to play--never the other way around.

BUT...what do I want to teach them? The higher road should prevail. But at what cost?

Thinking further on Fr M and the intersections of our lives while I walked this afternoon. My own father will be gone 35 years this August. He appeared to me in dreams when I was 14 and again right before my 21st birthday.

The first appearance was not a good one--it was not a good point in my life. He left without saying goodbye, it was that bad.

The second time we were in a white room together. He greeted me with a hug and we sat across from one another.

"So," he asked after a moment, "Did you ditch that loser?

At that point, there had been two. "Yes," I said. "The guy I'm with now is a keeper."

He nodded. "I think you'll be all right."

He didn't show up at 28 or 35, but I realized this afternoon that he *was* here, he just didn't invade my dreams like he had the previous times.

I earned my MA the day after my 28th birthday.

And October the year I turned 35 was when I met Fr M, who, for all intents and purposes, is the father that the fates have appointed for me.

And it seems like I'm the daughter he might have had if his life had worked out differently.

Thinking on all this today, putting the pieces and patterns together, and it seems like I couldn't possibly have planned any of it. But it works amazingly.

I think that's why UP resonates so with me. Life is not about the family you are born into, but the family you create--just by living, loving, connecting, being open to people.

I'll never have fame or fortune, but the wealth I have in those closest to me is priceless.

And how funny that my dad is still sending people my way to watch over me. Just to remind me that he'll always be looking after me.

So even as I struggle with this other stuff, it's nice to know that I have the universe at large watching my back.

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