Monday, April 6, 2009

In, er, somebody's own image

Just pondering stuff. Nic continues to push onward in swimming, pushed in equal parts by mom and little brother. Little brother just likes to shame Nic into doing laps and mom would like Nic to face his fears and overcome them. He does, albeit somewhat resentfully. He prefers to be in his head, with his elevators, and G and I interfere with that.

I struggle with this. Don't want to be a stage mom, don't want Nic to be more than a successful adult when his time comes (success? i define that as he is holding his own job, living in his own space, has a significant other he is an equal partner with, whatever form that will take). BUT? Yeah, sometimes I fantasize him as a phenom of some sort. But the phenom--really--is the person he is becoming. He really is amazing.

But I can't settle for that. He can be extraordinary. So I push him. I'm mean.

Anyway, his eyes lit up when I told him that if he gets to swimming regularly in the deep end at a good pace, he could travel, and stay in hotels with elevators.

But he has to be good. And he has to work at it.

Gabriel's more interested in being Nic's pace swimmer. Or his conscience. Nic always swims better when G's in the water.

This has me linking other thoughts with where I've been, where I'm going. This month marks 21 years that I am with DH. A miracle in itself, that we have grown up together, that he has never tried to rule, ruin or change me, or make me over in his image, or bully me into following his tastes, or in any way ever try to make my mind up for me. He's always let me be me, in all my weirdness, and my family has been the beneficiary to his open-mindedness.

I'm thankful to him. He has been an amazing partner all these years. Maybe I just need to take a page from that playbook and let Nic be Nic.

But Nic does need to be nudged.

So, nudge him. He won't get where he's going unless he's pushed to be as good as he can be. I just have to remember not to impose my baggage on him. He'll have enough of his own, thanks.

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