Thursday, April 16, 2009

Exclusion, mourning, whatever

I am not happy at the moment. Letting go of a friendship is always hard, but some one I thought to be a good friend has let me know that she is stepping back.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it has something to do with my hellbent ways of integrating my kids. She hasn't, and I never judged her for what she's done or not done with her kids. But I think she's judging me. Or maybe she is assuming I am judging her.

In any case, she is dumping me, and I need to accept that.

Might be easier to accept if we weren't having the same ol' with the neighbors, and the looks, and the whole nine. I backed out of our driveway with her driveway full of preteen girls looking at me. I ignored the overriding urge to flip them all off.

Of course it would be easier for everyone in my neighborhood if I shipped my kids elsewhere. But easier is not better. Not for them, not for me.

But I hate hate hate my life in this neighborhood. I know moving wouldn't fix this--my kids will forever be THOSE kids. And I have the nerve (THE NERVE!) to think that they can be like everyone else.

No, I don't want them to be like everyone else. I just want them to be able to hold a job, support themselves, and have relationships. I want them to be the wonderful selves they are going to be.

But I have to deal with people stuck in high school in the meantime. There is nothing worse than a middle-aged woman thinking she is finally FINALLY Queen Bee.

And I have the misfortune of having them on all sides. Sucks.

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