Monday, August 24, 2009

Cleaning up

Ready to put an article to bed, start another one, and a fall job just blue-birded in. I'm having a chicken-and-egg problem with anxiety, but it seems like that's abated for now. Had to wait almost an our to see my GP on Friday, but I just turned out the lights and power napped while I waited.

A lot of mortality reminders lately, as if they were wanted or needed. A friend just lost his mother over the weekend. Another friend is watching cancer take one of her closest friends. A friend of ours expressed outrage for all the sickness he sees around him, but I don't have the wherewithal for outrage, not about that, anyway. Dad's deathiversary is Saturday, and I have spent most of my life without him. Was that fair? Well, life doesn't deal in fair. I feel cheated more for reasons pertaining to my kids than myself these days. My mom feels just plain ripped off; THIS is the time she is supposed to be enjoying with him. Not that she's not having her own good time (she manufactures fun), but get her in the right mood, she'll tell you exactly what she thinks about his not being here.

I can't believe it's been 35 years.

I can't believe I can actually type that AND remember back to that time.

His death still casts a long shadow. There are some things you just can't 'get over.'

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