Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Through Another's Eyes

It's been a meeting kind of week.

The one that weighs most heavily on my mind happened on Monday. While my boys and I were with another waiting for our pack meeting to start last week, the boy waiting with us drew a pair of stick figures, one holding a gun on the other, and made it a point for me to see it.

And I made it a point to not react.

Until I got home to my computer and read about an altercation that happened between Nic and this other boy earlier in the day. Then the picture took on a more ominous tone.

After all, was Nic the figure on the business end of the gun?

So I met with the teachers on Monday, agitated, concerned, and they responded in all the correct ways. I kept it together until I made the parking lot. And burst into tears.

Mourning. My own child. And this other child. What would become of this boy?

And then a voice told me to stop it. Just stop. After all, nothing has happened.


Suddenly, I was seeing the world through his eyes. How hard it must be for him to not have any friends, to not know where to start, to be so frustrated because no one else seems to get how hard it is to be him.

How desperate he must be if he was reduced to drawing a stick figure holding a gun on another. And to make such a point of showing it to an adult.

Who he was certain would share this with other authority figures.

So I wrote this note the next day to the support teacher:

Thanks for taking the time to meet with me and my husband yesterday. I've been thinking long and hard about what we talked about, what happened in the school yard, all the events leading up to that and the drawing, and what I come up with is that the drawing was a cry for help.

The more I think about it, the more I think he wanted to be called on that picture--WHY else would he had made it such a point to show it to me?

I know I am wandering into school counselor territory, and that this is NOT my child, but I see him (who is quite different from Nic in many ways) as a child who really wants friends and just needs help in the delivery. I'm thinking peer buddy? Nic has had a number of kids work with him over the years (B, J, not to mention the girls too many to name) that have played a huge part of his development socially. And Nic is not always the easiest kid to get along with.

I'm just throwing this out there. I know you can't force kids to be friends with one another, but everyone has to learn to work together and cooperatively, and I'm thinking, perhaps, pairing with a peer buddy will help kids get to know him and discover that he really is a good kid and worth getting to know.

I know this is not my place, but I am writing you as an adult who was once a child very much like him.

Thanks for listening, and if there is anything else I can do to help here, please let me know.

Maybe I can make a difference in this child's life. Sometimes life throws you these opportunities to see what you'll do with them.

The teacher wrote me a note back saying that she and the school counselor were working on making my suggestions a reality for this boy.

I hope. And it might fall on us to do more. But that's okay. Maybe this is why it happened.

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