It'll be the first time I'm using the new stove; indeed, it'll be the first time I cooked a meal in a couple weeks (or close to it). Andy took MIL back on Friday, I stayed home and played catch up with work and home stuff, and we went to our family retreat weekend Friday night.
The short report is that it was awesome. With a little tweaking it will be brilliant. My partners in crime not only heard everything I said in setting up, they heard a lot of things I didn't say, and the result was a weekend of healing and respite for all of us. We made new friends--and our kids made new friends, too. Nic had a great conversation with a brilliant 15 year old boy about the properties of magnets (they were working at the Magnetix table together, and I daresay they both learned a couple things from one another).
I had some great conversations with people I've previously been in the same room with, but never had time to talk to. Andy had some great conversations with the guys as they drank beer and did a service project together. We exchanged emails, phone numbers, and are making plans to get our families together offsite.
The boys had a blast. We had movie night on Friday, Saturday they spent moonbouncing, playing kickball, doing various sensory play, computers, swimming, running, jumping, and bouncing, and Sunday we all made a gingerbread house before closing up and heading home.
I got together with my family for a birthday party, and that let me down. I cried some going home. As near as I could figure, it was the contrast between spending the weekend with other people who 'get it' and then listening to my mom and sisters rip apart other people.
I stopped them a few times reminding them that it's not their place to judge, reminding them that I am well aware that people judge ME. They would cool off for about five minutes and then ramp up on some one else.
Andy asked me what was wrong, and I couldn't verbalize it.
But if I had the sense to say so at the time, I would have asked 'and what makes you so perfect?'
Andy says I take people--I guess meaning our families--too seriously. But he reminded me that plenty of people in our situation are actually estranged from their respective families of origin--but we are not.
Well, we are not because we both realize that our kids recognizing their tribes of origin is important.
But honestly? Sometimes my own family does me more harm than good. I want to shield my boys from the harm, but I don't know that it's possible. My brother and SIL 'get it'--and no one else in our families seems to.
And my boys always seem to know where they are welcome. They never want to leave my brother's--and yet despite all the toys as their aunt's house, when I said it was time to go, they were ready, jackets on, zero arguments.
It was also a long weekend.
But anyway, giving thanks--thanks for good friends, the family of my creation, those which do not share my blood but share my heart and soul, that there is a place in this world for my boys, and I know how to show them where to find it--and at worst, create that space, if it comes that.
I couldn't have appreciated this weekend without the contrast, but it was bittersweet, nevertheless.....
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