What matters

 A little over a week ago, I got together with fellow women at my favorite place and played a game. It's White Elephant meets the Hunger Games, everything hinges on a roll of the dice and how fast you can move to claim someone else's stuff. At one point, I had three things;  I walked away with one, but that was only because the owner declared it safe from swapping.

(It was a framed, hand-painted pic of a bird with a real feather incorporated in the piece. K declared that the universe wanted me to have it, so I was allowed to take it off the table.)

So there we were, rolling the oversized foam dice and seizing these same few items from one another over and over (the tinsel trailer, deer pong game and wine purse were the heavy favorites, but I was happy to see the oversized Goofy mug I brought made a couple passes around, too.)  I had the beer pong AND the wine purse in my possession at one point, but both eventually became someone else's booty....

....which was actually fine by me, because I had just gotten rid of four contractor bags worth of stuff, plus four boxes and barely made a dent in clear out. I could afford to not bring more stuff home. Plus, I had the awesome artwork, so that made me happy.

But, the young lady who won the wine purse came over and apologized after.  I laughed, and said she had nothing to apologize for (she really didn't), but she insisted on paying for one of my flights. After a little back and forth (because she really didn't have to do that), I finally said sure, why not?  The flight meant more to me than the wine bag, anyway.

I wandered way out of my way after to drop another gift off. I needed the drive. I needed the silence. I needed to see the holiday lights. Anymore I need time and space to process things....some of the things are in the here and now, and some of the things are way, way back in the past.  But it's all of a piece of some big puzzle I'm working on right now that has no boundaries or edges, just a whole lot of pieces that don't seem to fit together in any logical way. 

It's been a wet and rainy week. Another holiday spent alone, but not so bad since we were able to spend some time with friends ahead of the holiday. The boys are ok. And I think they will be okay. I mean eventually, altogether.

Because the stuff doesn't matter, was never really important or relevant.  My younger guy is creating his own timeline, making sense of his own world and asking me to help where he thinks I can (why?  I don't know--he has a better handle on a lot more than I do, but he's also been my otherworldly one who sees and hears and understands things the rest of us don't--or can't).

I don't want to put too much on him, but he's always been better connected to the universe than the rest of us. I wish I had a little of that.