unraveling

So Nic is finally starting to realize he's different. This conversation hasn't yet started, but I anticipate it any day now.

Had lunch with a friend who confirmed that it is NOT my imagination and I AM in fact hitting my head against the wall trying to get my kids included. Trying to figure out how I will make those inroads--I know I eventually WILL....but as ever it's the getting there.

It's so funny, I shared with a friend over drinks this past weekend that I envisioned myself 20 odd years back as a stay at home mom--and she laughed at me. It's hard sometimes to see that person I used to be--the person who has replaced her has been in this skin long enough to feel that it's permanent. But all the time leading up to my showing up in publishing, I was marking time until I stayed home. And then I got a job in publishing and somewhere it occurred to me I'd be working.

And then somewhere along that way I discovered my child was autistic.

And somewhere along THAT route, I realized I had two autistic kids.

So I got re-routed a few times.

Which re-routed my original thought about where I thought I was going. I'm by nature a shy and retiring person who doesn't like confrontation, yet the life I ended up in finds me continually thrust out front and center with a shield and battle apple. I'd find it amusing if it weren't so damn tiring.

So okay, I can't fight all the battles, so I have to pick a couple. Like tonight. Tee-ball and scouts. Tee-ball will be an easy sell, but Nic's already told me he's not doing scouts.

You know what? I don't feel like battling Nic tonight, so I'm not.

I have too many other villains to vanquish. Have to conserve my resources.

and my thought for the day: