Turn It Off

 This is one of my favorite songs from Book of Mormon because it has so many practical applications.

So after my yowl last post (I'm over it, really), people gave me feedback. I am always receptive to feedback, even if it's FFS get over it and move on. And really, they aren't wrong; while I'm internally wailing and gnashing teeth, younger guy is watching something and laughing his head off (he and his brother have discovered Reality TV and have a particular fondness for bar and restaurant rescues). Dad and I are in the dining room talking quietly over the remains of dinner, and if he hears us, he's not acknowledging.

So yesterday was Mother's Day, and the card I played was "You will do this for me because it's Mother's Day."  So I got beds changed, laundry put away, trash and recycling carried out, and hubby made brunch and dinner. And I went to the grocery story after church and picked up a couple things the kids wanted and Bloody Mary makings.  Because darn it, I was having a bespoke Bloody Mary for Mother's Day.

I like briny, so my Bloody Mary was more Bloody Caesar--V8, horseradish, clam juice, olive brine, pickle brine, worcestershire sauce and of course the vodka I won at the silent auction last month.  OMG. I will never go for Bloody Mary mix again.  This is the stuff. Anyway. It was amazing.

Back to dinner. Hubby told me to go chill while he finished clean up (I gave him a running start because that's what I do), and G announced he was going to make his lunch for today and make some brownies.

This is my kid. He's present in his moment and doesn't spend a lot of time fretting about stuff.  He talks to himself to process whatever he has going on, sometimes also to course-correct conversations he had.

Which kind of makes me laugh.  He's rehearsing come-backs. I used to do the same thing.

I also tend to worry more about him because he's so opaque to me; he's so very hard to read.

And I conflate my own reactions to things with his because in the vacuum of his reactions, mine tend to overwhelm me. 

So when I tell myself to turn it off, I don't mean to shut down my antennae; I mean to put a lock on where my imagination goes in the absence of data.  I am a catastrophizer, for better or for worse.

So, less of that.

I found the brownies were all but gone this morning.  So I just went down after my meeting and made more. 

Because I could.

And because I want to honor his take on the world.  Make less angst and more brownies.