The End of An Error

 I just signed elder's exit NOREP.

This after his most productive day in 15 months. 

One did not precede or follow the other; it was just timing. Elder legit adulted in ways I haven't seen in a bit: taking a final (passing with an 88, the class with a high B); setting up and meeting appointments; planning his day, then his week, then going to work.  Seems like such a small thing, but it weighs on me. This is the stuff he needs to do on the regular, and like all journeys, it starts with one step. 

I have mixed feelings about the NOREP; I see missed and squandered opportunities; I see the pieces and shards of all the things that went sideways, blew up or imploded.  But most of all I see the wide, blind path forward. I tell him with certainty that he may not grow up but he will get older, regardless.  All the stuff he was too busy to think about until now is crowding his field of vision. 

It's a lot, anyway. 

He collects his diploma in a week. 

I have mixed feelings about that, too. 

I remind myself that we did the best we could without a map. And I will be holding my breath as I wait for him to step into his future. 

I kind of hope I don't die waiting.