Tired

I am just wiped out. MIL has been here a week, and all the consequences of that, plus sick hubby, clingy kids, and work that needs to be done, has left me drained. I should be working on my next article, but I am too tired and distracted to think about it. And the draft has to be done Monday, since I start working temp FT on Tuesday.

I’m kind of excited about that, even though I haven’t mentioned it to anyone but K and hubby. It was an opportunity that literally dropped from the sky. Some one called me out of the blue to work for a pharma over in Chester county, and before I knew it, it was a done deal.

I had a FT offer about two years ago from AZ and it didn’t feel right, so I turned it down. This is just running until the end of April, longer if I (and they) want. I want to give it a shot, see how it is, and then figure it out.

I always get what I need when I need it. We are cash poor, and we have taxes coming up, so this gig will cover that nut at least. I’ll finish this latest article this week and have JS assign me another. And I’ll work on knocking on other doors. I’m glad I have serviceable skills; it makes it pretty easy to get good paying work as I need it.

But what do I actually want to do when I grow up? I have no idea. I have the classic portfolio career at this time; I have articles, interviews and blogs published; I have four years’ experience reviewing resumes for an Ivy League graduate school; I have been presenting to parents and training the trainers for nearly seven years. And of course there is my advocate/Sherpa/confidante role I’ve played for nearly a decade.

The truth is, I like what I do, as I do it. I like that I am not easily defined. And I love that I love what I do—all of it.

Kind of thinking that I am living my best life now and doing exactly as I am meant to be doing.

But I wish I could shake the exhaustion that comes with a MIL visit. I know I will be expected to take her in to Costco while hubby waits in the car tomorrow. I will be paying for this visit until the bitter end.

But hopefully, this will be it for a while. And if hubby asks me again any time in the next couple of months, I get to say no.

Sitting outside the boys’ locker room, waiting for my sons to come out after their lesson. Would I be stupid to say we’ve turned a corner and that Nic has actually shown what he is capable of?

If they move them both up, I think we’ll do another session, otherwise, we’ll try the Y.

Calm

Getting things done in spite of the presence, and it hasn't been too bad. Hubby would argue, since he is still under the weather, but I refuse to see MIL's presence at this moment any more or any less than a gift. For a few reasons.

I'm waiting on a phone call and an email, but it looks like I may be starting a new sit on Monday. Should not be typing that as nothing is set, but it looks like barring acts of God or anything else, a random call last Friday has evolved into a full-fledged opportunity.

Do I not always get what I need? I do. It is amazing.

I just finished a book that reminds me where I used to be, a sort of deconstructive exegesis of some one's life. A compelling read, but a bit woo-woo-ee even for me. I need to go back to the primary texts to see for myself, but I find myself agreeing in principle with some things, just not the 'how' he gets there.

If not for a million little detours, I'd be writing books like that. I have to admit that I'm thankful I'm not.

I have to think more on what I've read, and wait to hear whether or not my life is going to take an interesting new turn. In the meantime, I need to make a few phone calls.

Conference Call Fun

I wonder if MIL can be any louder or more disruptive while I am on a conference call.

Seriously, I wish I had a hidden camera. I closed the doors to the office, which unfortunately connects directly to the family room, where hubby is passed out...and starts snoring, and MIL comes in and wakes him up and they are going back and forth in Italian while I wave (unseen, apparently) frantically for them both to STFU because the phone is on speaker and my tape is running....the longest two minutes ever...and MIL continues to sit in there while I am trying to interview.

Of course now that I no longer need silence she's in the other room reading. LOL It IS funny how selectively obtuse she is.

So to answer the question, CAN MIL be any louder or more disruptive? I have another call at 4, which I plan on conducting from my bedroom, with the door closed.

And how much do you want to bet that she will be banging on the door because she has a question that CLEARLY cannot wait 15 minutes for an answer?

Taking bets.

Better Now

I had a major scare over the weekend with G's placement that seems to have righted itself, more or less. Well, it could be said I lost my composure. Slightly.

(We all know I don't do things halfway.)

Nothing good company can't fix. Fortunately I had a confab of like minds to meet up with on Saturday morning. There is nothing in the world like entering a room full of people who are all on your page. I am not a natural networker, but my experience shows that you can learn just about anything if you apply yourself.

It doesn't help that I am so literal minded, but in some ways, it tends to simply things.

MIL has arrived, and we are on day 3. I am determined to make this work for me, one way or another. The fact that it's been nearly a year since her last visit shows progress of a sort, but she still has that whole "queen of the hutch" thing going on. She doesn't like that I am asserting myself, but that's not my problem.

Neither does hubby. ALTHOUGH, he is grudgingly backing me up. That, too, is a sign of progress.

The kids are doing well, and I heard a good homily from Fr M yesterday. He is just the coolest human being on the planet. I need to call him about Nic's communion this week. I'm still on the fence about how hard I should push that particular agenda.

I have some decisions to make about G, too. I've had some ideas about his education and what that should look like going forward, all of this which predicated on the NOREP that showed up on Friday.

I have to say that while these things are not life and death, it's very hard sometimes to keep it all in proper perspective and proportion.

Just an aside--reading a smashing book that reminds me of too many people I've known.

Anyway. Busy week of work and MIL curbage ahead.

Lemonade, Coming Right Up

I knew what I wanted to type about five minutes ago. In fact, I did type it, and then I deleted it.

Better deleted. Trust me.

I'm collecting my thoughts, trying to figure out how the next little while is going to play out. MIL lands tomorrow for an indeterminate period of time. I have phone interviews for a new project, so I am going to make very clear to her that she CANNOT interrupt and she will in fact have to wait for me to finish (she is worse than a kid--in some ways, her visit can't possibly be any worse timed, since she has quite a track record of interrupting conference calls).

But anyway. I will deal with this the best I can. I had a couple possible jobs fly in--I sent out a proposal and my resume, so we'll see how these shake out. And I am running a retreat on Thursday. It looks like my writing is supporting my advocacy habit these days. Ironically, once everything else supported my writing habit.

Heh. Kind of cool that my writing supports everything else.

I have a few more guest lectures coming up, and a possible on site contract. I'm okay with however it all works out. I always get precisely what I need, when I need it.

Thank God.

Passing

Just got back from another funeral, this time an old schoolmate's mom. And I had to go to this one.

I haven't seen Mary in at least 20 years, but I've always loved her. I spent many an afternoon at her house when I was a teenager; on my 15th birthday, she gave me this bit of advice:

Love many
Trust few
Always paddle
Your own canoe

I wrote in my journal, but I didn't have to, as it was engraved in my heart. And I remembered it throughout some of my toughest and lowest times.

Mary was an old-school Irish Catholic--I loved her for her no-nonsense attitude as well as her staunch and steadfast faith. She made me feel like I had worth and importance, and when the priest today said that everyone has a role to play, I am in debt to Mary for the very positive and uplifting role she played in my life.

She has done her job and has been called back to heaven. I'm sure she had a VIP pass waiting for her at the gates.

God speed, Mary. And thank you--for everything.

Good Vibrations

A friend sent me a link with a note: this takes some time to get into, but this lady knows what she is talking about.

I had to agree. There is a blog I wanted to write on this very subject, but I didn't know where to start; that video is as good a place as any.

This is a fact; whenever my boys and I walk into a new church, we are always approached to take part somehow in the service. Usually, they are asked to carry up the gifts; this past Sunday, I was asked to serve as an usher.

I don't know that women do that, but hubby didn't want to, so I did it.

Nic was jealous. I told him he could have a job in church when he gets a little older.

There was another time about a year ago that we went to a mass in town, just me and my little guys, and there was a friar in the back. He asked the boys to take up the gifts. And he had a particular eye on us throughout the mass.

It made me uncomfortable, because Nic was not having a particularly good day.

BUT. He came up after, asked us to come back again, and blessed them both.

Which begs the question: are they closer to heaven? Is there something that physically marks them, or how do people just KNOW?

I am aware of the whole predator thing, and making my kids wise to predators has been job one. And both my boys have an almost uncanny knack for knowing good--and bad--when they see it.

It's really up to me to make sure those powers stay sharp. Whatever they are.