Fuck fuck fuckity fuck doesn't even begin to cover it.
My bird is gone. I am trying to make my peace with that. Actually it all begins and ends there. He was truly my emotional support bird, and I am feeling his loss keenly. There is a Nugget-sized hole in my heart. I can't even begin to enumerate all the ways he made my life better. I loved him, and he loved me. He was mine in a way nothing else has ever been. And now he's gone.
So, the magnitude of loss is fairly great, whether I want to admit it or not.
Struggling with all the other things. Went to the hospital to get an ultrasound on elder's gall bladder, liver and pancreas yesterday. That was my day off. We get to find out what they find tomorrow. Can't wait.
Younger missed a session because I was out picking up elder and the technology couldn't be figured out in my absence. I yell and scream at elder that there's way too much going on, dad and I are doing the best we can, but both he and younger are going to need to step up. We can't carry everyone anymore. We are tired. And getting older.
And I'm feeling it.
I've been doing PT because that's my spa time, or the closest I'm going to get. Months of running my worklife from my dining room table is taking its toll.
I need a day where I can make a blanket fort, crawl in and stay there.
I may decide to never come out.
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