Engaged

Nic's thermonuclear meltdown is worth mentioning, but I'm not sure where it falls in my narrative.

In the ordinary ebb and flow of our lives, I should be used to the patterns of spectacular flame-outs accompanied by feats of brilliance.

So, brilliant, among these things I can include investiture to the new troop, bowling, selling tickets at Pasta Dinner, the hike in Gettysburg.

And then there was the call I got on Thursday while I was out with my department. Which was followed by a phone call from the program director the following morning.

My whole life seems geared toward disaster containment. I'm not aware of how much it takes out of me until I withstand the emotional beating this kid is capable of doling out.

And what of my little guy? As evidenced by the teachers' conferences today, he is almost an afterthought, much to my guilt and shame. He has his own issues, but he doesn't nearly do the damage. So he gets short shrift. He had me to himself on Saturday, and we had a full day of swimming, lunch out, playground and movies--and we were both happy to be able to pay full attention to one another.

But I feel bad. I want to do better by G.

So, what do I find myself doing? Lately I limit my human interactions to only positive ones. How do you do that? Well, I'm pleasant to everyone I meet--and I simply don't engage in negativity. Any of it. And I find that if I don't engage in it, it's easier to stay focused and positive.

So, I am engaged at work, because I like it and I like the people I work with. I am engaged at home. Just because. And I find that staying focused and positive helps keep me relaxed, lowers my stress, and keeps me moving forward.