My yesterday reminds me of much, not the least of which that it is possible to recover what seems to be an irrevocably lost day.
It definitely didn't begin well. Jumbled communication and roadwork ensured that we would get to swim lessons late. Which was just as well, because Nic and his new teacher butted heads over the modified backstroke. He wanted to use his competition kick and she wanted to teach him the correct kick for the stroke she was teaching.
From the balcony, I could see each one's point of view. And in a moment of clarity, I realized that this is the last session we'll do at this pool.
They did as well as they could in this program, but the truth is, neither of them are progressing. It's no one's fault; this just isn't the program for them.
How freeing that felt to realize and accept that.
We went to the library and explored a new park in anticipation of swim practice.....that wasn't. Yesterday was meet day at a program 45 minutes away. I called the coach, got directions, got the boys changed, hopped in the car, and headed west.
When we got there, Nic proceeded to give us a full-bore nuclear meltdown over the buzzer. Which lasted a half hour. Which he owes me for for the next week. Anyway, a kind man gave Nic a pair of headphones to block out the sound, dad arrived with lunch, and he went on to win two races (and messed up the third because he was too busy fussing with the headset to hear the starter).
On the way home, we found a park that I wanted to hike for a long time--and de-stressed the way I like to de-stress best. And the kids liked it, too.
Nic runs his first track meet today. All I ask is that he do his best, have fun, and stay in his lane. He promises that he will do all three.
Here's the thing. He knows he doesn't really fit in with the Special Olympics. He doesn't really fit in with the track team (and I wonder if the coach is wondering why I don't bug the SO track people--and do I really want to go there? NO.) So we straddle our shadow world, not necessarily being this OR that, but I feel less life-or-death about activities working out or not.
And I take it a lot less personally when things don't work out.
Probably the biggest take-away from yesterday was that my kids are amazingly flexible--we did a lot on the fly that worked out almost in spite of me. And I guess I am more flexible in that it was really easy for me (for once) to see what I need to engage in and what I need to walk away from.
Speaking of engaging in and/or walking away, I made some really good choices this week. For me. I'm wondering how much the kids saw, or even if they noticed.
The thing is, my kids notice everything. Whether I want them to or not.
All I can do is keep listening, keep heeding that inner voice....
...and keep moving forward.