I needed a break, so found myself out in the woods, and found myself in a similar place to where I was, 8+ years ago, walking, crying, bargaining with God. Part of it, I think, arising from the committee meeting, where I knew Nic was discussed when I left, sobbing that it was not fair, and thinking that on his hardest days, when HE is sobbing that it's not fair, that this is what he is talking about.
What's not fair is the fact that this "weird," "annoying" kid is really neither, that he has a disability, but is doubly condemned because no one can SEE it.
And it's easier to slam him than help him. He's a them. And everyone KNOWS there has to be a THEM.
And what compounds my pain is that I was Nic growing up. I know all too well what he feels sometimes.
And his pain turns me into a bird, continually flying into the same pane of glass, because I think it'll earn us both a hearing. It doesn't. But it doesn't stop me from flinging myself against it, again, and again, and again.....
So I came back to my desk and wrote the words, wanting to tell the committee members and all their friends, "HEY! My child may be 'weird' and 'annoying' but he also has autism. A little mercy goes a long way....."
And no sooner did I type this than a message came across my desk top:
he regards the prayer of the destitute
and does not despise their prayer.
The LORD cares for all the lowly and the outcasts. He is a friend to the friendless and hope for the hopeless; Our God is an awesome God!
Coincidence? I don't do coincidences.
But I am mistaken to expect mercy for either of my sons in these quarters. I will finish my commitments. And then I am done. Because I don't want any part of any community that doesn't want my sons, either.