Ah, I'm tired. Had another note from Nic's teacher and he had his semi-annual meltdown. I had just come in from a wonderful walk in the woods, and this waited for me.
Just remember sitting there, shoulders slumping, feeling like it really doesn't take much to take all the fight out of me. Then read a treatise on bullying, which took my shoulders down to knee level.
I also did a cholesterol check, which gave me a reality check. The overall profile wasn't bad, but the pieces need work, and the kids need me to be here a good long time, so I am taking steps to make sure that I am.
Still, despite the punch to the chest, my kids are and will always be my reason for being. I think of them all day long, wonder what they are up to, hope that they are okay and enjoying their days. Sometimes I see them both at different points of their lives, always looping back to where we are in the present day, but always catching myself saying out loud "God, I love that kid." Those kids. Both of them.
So this evening I picked them up and told them that we were walking the mile. They both pushed back, as they do, but gamely walked with me. And Nic was awestruck when a red tail hawk coasted in for a landing right in front of us. He's actually had more up-close and personal redtail encounters than I've had, and all the ones I've had were always in his presence.
He stayed and watched the hawk for a long time. The hawk watched him, too.
We enjoyed the beautiful sunset and the pinks and purples of last light in the park. My favorite time of day with my two favorite people.
I felt renewed enough to clean the kitchen, do a load of wash, unload and reload the dishwasher and cook a meal. Big accomplishment? Both kids at least tried Brussels sprouts.
My days can be long and tough, but I wouldn't trade them for anything.