Resolved

This week is actually going infinitely better than I could have imagined.

But, I have to stop myself at my old habit of 'waiting and seeing.' Ran into B (and evil B and their mom) at the mall and tentatively booked a date. Nic reminded me we had alternate plans--that I was about to ditch because, you know, social outing? With a typical peer?

Plans will continue as they were. And if these work out, awesome. And if not, I won't have Nic doubly disappointed.

Good lord, it's a perpetual minefield.

I have a date for a local talk show this Monday--I am almost famous. :) I'll post the link when I have it.

Really?

Intense last few weeks, but I'll sum up quickly. Major life-changing event I am still processing--not for me, but I bore witness. High school reunion was amazing; I never had that many people talk to me when I was in high school, yet I had a few dozen people stop me and tell me how much they loved my writing and my attitude. When my old nemesis told me another wasn't coming 'because she had a hard time in high school,' I put my hand on my hip and retorted, 'who DIDN'T have a hard time in high school?'

Some one who knew me well stood a few feet away and said,'and if Liz could come back here, no one else has an excuse.'

Cool moment, that.

Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, hubby took the kids to my friend's son's birthday party. I had been stopped a few weeks earlier and was told to expect an invitation to another party that never materialized. Frankly, I forgot about it until I listened to my voice mail the next day.

To wit, the person called two hours before her party was set to start telling me that my kids *could* come (loved the word choice) and with details as to when (less than 2 hours later) and where the party would be.

I'm listening to the message and sputtering in amazement while hubby is cleaning the downstairs bathroom. I disconnect and stand in the doorway.

"REALLY?" I demanded. "Do ya THINK we're that desperate and waiting for an invite that we are sitting by the phone ready to jump on anything that comes along? REALLY?"

I just have a hard time wrapping my head around that one. How nice my kids had a party to go to anyway, but that this person would think that I would put our lives on hold to wait to tell me that MY kids could come to her kid's party?

Hubby told me not to respond, and if she asks (she won't) next week, he'll just tell her the truth--we accepted an invite to another party. I'm sure she'd be floored. Expectations of friendship for my kids are not high in this part of the forest.

It was very clear from her message that she had refusals, and my kids were asked because there was now space for them. I guess I wouldn't have minded so much if she hadn't made the invite, defacto withdrew it (since I never received the promised invitation), and then called me at the last possible minute telling me I *can* bring my kids.

Really? No, thanks.

Evensong

I am sitting on my front step, working on another presentation, and have nothing on my feet. It is evening, not quite last light. The kids are out in the neighborhood playing. The robins converse amongst themselves, occasionally interrupted by a cardinal, house wren or song sparrow.

Can it be that spring is here? What a gorgeous evening. I never want it to end. I hear the train, kids counting (sounds like the beginning of Manhunt is afoot), and of course, the birds singing. I hear the neighbors putting dishes away, clearing away dinner.

Everyone seems to be out.

I love these days.

Gold tested in fire

The good thing about the current commute is the time to clear my head and my chakras.

This morning, being Friday, I had a pretty full week of events to review. Four phone calls, two from the principal, in 5 days RE: Nic (only one of those for the bus--the other three were for recess and computer class--not that it matters or affords me a whole heck of a lot of comfort). A Reiki class, which was time well spent with friends and getting in touch with some abilities I knew I had buried underneath all my neuroses, work, a whole note unto itself, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which will haunt me for the rest of my days, and the evolution of social skills in both of my boys.

It's been a pretty intense week. And I didn't touch on the half of it.

But I want to focus this note on an epiphany I had on the ride in this morning. Call number 10 for the school year about the bus from the principal came yesterday afternoon. As previously mentioned, B has been systematically harassing Nic all year. Yesterday, he and his posse surrounded Nic on the bus ride in and teased him. Nic, per his script, went straight to the principal.

She asked Nic if he would feel safer sitting in an assigned seat in the front of the bus. He said yes.

She then called B to the office. B, as he has done previously, said that Nic is too sensitive.

After I got over my initial impulse to walk over there and strangle the little sh*t, I took a deep breath and reflected on some good in the situation.

Nic didn't blow up on the bus. That's a first. He kept it together and went to the principal. Which tells me that he GETS what B is doing.

And B does have a point, even if I do want to choke him. Nic *is* too sensitive and does need to learn to contain himself. And he is. By God, he is, isn't he?

I turned the boys out of the house this glorious week, and Nic actually interacted with some kids from the neighborhood, rode his bike, and I sent him to the store for the first time. Yes, I had to fight him to get my money back, but he went in and bought what I sent him in for himself.

AND, a number came home in Nic's book bag yesterday. Nic made his first phone call to a friend to make a date to see a movie.

It's all good, even the crap that happens. Because he is learning from it. And growing from it.

Nothing Lasts

I don't mean that in a bad way, but in a disinterested philosophical way. I used to think that I had no power--that anyone who determined that I would not eat in this town again would prevail.

In the fullness of time, it's been shown to me time and again that things change. People rise in power and are humbled. Companies are sold, management changes, and people move on.

And even though I've been working from home the last 10 years, I've actually been keeping current on technology--and am better off than I would have been if I were in a stable sit in the last 10 years.

Things change. Some things are forgotten. Others are shuffled under furniture.

But no one has had the power to keep me down for long.

Life is good. And I am grateful.

The Waters of March

The stormy, windy weather outside woke me up before first light this am. And the first thing I thought about was how I read Toni Morrison's Beloved in grad school and some of the conversations I had with Colleen, a recently reconnected-with friend and at the time relatively new mom. And then I thought it's time for me to re-read it because I don't think I had the emotional wherewithal to truly "get it" the first time.

I dropped her a note to that effect this am, and she quickly responded that I needed to.

I've started reading "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" and can't help thinking it's all connected in some way.

And in another tangent, I found myself thinking about the phrase 'dreaming true' that kept coming up in the book Neverland. I think the writer had a hard time wrapping his head around what that phrase means, because I had an immediate emotional reaction to that phrase, but I found his definitions rather clumsy and unsatisfying.

I recognize it because I do it, but I couldn't tell you the *how*, only that I *do*.

Other thoughts. Signed the boys up for another go-round of township swim lessons and had two different people tell me they were glad I brought the boys back.

Nic had his first competitive swim meet last Sunday and won all three heats.

The work situation is interesting. I really like what I do, but if I were to remain on, I'd be doing something else. Which is fine. I really like the general vibe of the place and they actually WALK the family friendly walk, so if that's the way it were to go, I think it's a good thing.

I just find it interesting where this is going. I couldn't have planned any of this. I am simply not that smart.

But I can dream true. Somehow, I think that's more important than being smart.

Ahhhhhhhh

Yesterday was intense and I am relaxing at last.

Yesterday I was up at 6, sent my first three iterations of my draft for the next article out, out of the house by 6:30, at my desk by 7, at Nic's school for a meeting by 3:30, lecturing at Arcadia by 5:30 and finishing up my draft by 10 pm.

I didn't plan it that way, yet there it is.

So we had some stuff go on. Nic and I met with B and his parents on Monday afternoon and I think we finally have that situation in hand. Well, for the moment. Nic unclogged his first toilet and cleaned up his mess. It's amazing, the stuff I take delight in.

I've just been feeling a weird energy, as if things are moving inexorably in a direction that I can't fathom. And I feel oddly at peace with it. I've been encouraging greater independence with both boys, and while they are not *ready* to fly, they are certainly *prepared* to.

Maybe they are feeling it, too. They are good like that.

Last weekend we spent a great afternoon hiking through the woods. I looked up through the cathedral of bare branches and marveled.

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!