As we drove down Broad Street to Citizen's Bank, hubby proposed we find a diner. I'll spare you the events that came to this moment, but I shrugged and said. "sure."
I knew there was not going to be a good outcome, since neither of us knew where we were going. So when we ended up on 95 South heading toward the airport, all my men filled the air with all variety of invective.
"It's really not that big a deal, guys," I told all of them, meaning it. "We turn around and go back."
Hubby continued fulminating in the driver's seat about wasted time and gas, and then leveled his barrels at me. "And I am tired of everything being all sunny and bright with you!"
On some level, I knew that punch was coming. "You need to ask yourself whether this is really worth getting balled up about," I replied. "And my answer is no, it isn't."
He grumbled, and launched about a half dozen half-hearted salvos along this theme, but the kids in the back had stopped complaining and were listening.
"I'm telling you, it's not worth it," I replied with finality.
As I was riding around earlier that day, it occurred to me that I am living as if I am in the last year of my life. I genuinely do not sweat the small stuff (and you would be amazed at the sheer volume of small stuff there is if you ever stopped to consider what sets you off on a given day), I will not meanmouth anyone for the sake of meanmouthing some one, and I do my best with everything--including house work, which my husband will attest that I am not good at at all, but I am not sweating that, either.
So after the game as we were riding home, I said, "I have something to say."
He knew where I was going. "I'm sorry, I was just annoyed."
I continued, "There's no point in telling the boys that they need to keep it contained when some one is trying to set them off if they see *you* pop off. I'm walking the walk. If they see that I am not getting worked up about stuff that happens, they'll eventually learn not to, as well."
Hubby was quiet.
"This is important. This is everything," I continued. "They are watching you, whether you notice it, or realize it or not."
Honestly, I didn't realize that this was what my head change was about until I said it to hubby. This is all stuff I was just *doing*. I finally figured out the *why.*
The *why* is actually a pretty good reason. Live each day as if it's your last. Enjoy the hugs and cuddles of the kids around you--yours or some one else's. Laugh. A lot. Smile. Even if it's just on your mouth, it eventually reaches your eyes and heart. Love. Even if your heart breaks, it was already made to heal because you loved.