I went to church alone this morning. I need clarity.
This always happens when work enters my picture. I have worked throughout my kids' lives, and it has not impacted my family life (much). I have thought that moving my work outside the home would be an improvement.
Note to self: if you bring it home, it's not good.
So I throw my cards into the air and am in the process of putting them in order, not unlike Nic assembling his note cards on Andrew Carnegie for his class project this weekend.
In the mix I am reading The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. Her vision of the afterlife and its connection to the living are probably the closest thing to explaining what I believe and why I believe it. Not exactly, but I find myself nodding in agreement.
When we went out to my friend's old place of work, an auction house, he said he was afraid of being in the basement at 1 in the morning cataloging, because of the people who used to own those things.
"Oh J," I laughed. "Spirits don't follow their *things.*"
He looked at me like I sprouted another head. Hubby suppressed a chuckle.
This is all connected, with the work sitch and my life. I am sorting what matters from what doesn't. I know my days on earth are numbered, but I don't know the number. I know I will miss the tactile pleasures of snuggling with my kids--I miss these already, since those days are by and large behind me.
I found a flyer in our church bulletin for St Vincent de Paul--and I will be clearing out our abundance of stuff for people who can use it.
I'm figuring what to do about my kids' religious education.
I feel like I am tying up loose ends. Work will be what it will be. But it's not the only thing. It's not even the most important.
Speaking of that, home fires to put out. But this was on my mind and I needed to at least sketch out my thoughts to see where I needed to go. Not high lit, but I accomplished what I needed to.
Thanks for listening.