Before Fr M, I did meet another holy person. Her name was Sr Deodata and I met her during a particularly bad time in my high school career.
I was called down to the guidance counselor with two other freshman (can't remember who they were) and one of the first things she did was look for St. John Neumann medals for us. She had two. She looked back into her little purse and produced a third one...
I recalled this moment on Thursday, when we were on our high rise perch looking out at the city. I bought snacks for the boys, but didn't bring water. There was a machine selling water and soda--for two dollars each. I managed to scrounge up $1.70.
"That isn't enough," Nic observed.
"Let me look again," I stalled. I had already combed through every inch of my wallet and purse, but for the sake of forestalling an inevitable meltdown, I open my wallet again.....and found .35. That quarter and dime weren't there the first time--I KNEW they weren't.
"Here you go!" I said cheerfully, giving Nic the money and dispatching him to the machine. And I recalled Sr. D finding that third medal, insisting that she knew she only had two.
It only took me 30 years, but I finally believe her.
I don't remember exactly what she said that day, only that she talked quietly and gently insistently asked us "Do you see it?" after each pronouncement. I remember the warm light that seemed to surround her.
She was the real deal, and it only took me until now--actually Holy Thursday--to understand.
Yesterday with B was brutally difficult, but Nic pronounced it a success. We saw a movie, then he came to dinner and mini golf with us, my treat for all. It really wasn't until the end of the evening that Nic was really relaxed and he and B were jostling each other in the back seat.
We dropped him off and watched him and his brother offroad in their front yard. "You guys are really good offroaders!" he shouted as we left.
I dropped my own boys off and headed out to get Nic shoes for today, since we are going to be scrutinized. I spent a good 20 minutes browsing the shoes, and finally I found a dressy casual pair that could work. And I couldn't find his size anywhere.
I heard a voice tell me to keep looking. Literally.
And sure enough, the last possible pair was exactly Nic's size.
Do I see it?
I went over to Ross's to look for a pair of shoes for myself--a little retail therapy to end my emotionally exhausting day. I found two pairs of sandals that looked cute on the shelf, but looked and felt awful on my feet.
Keep looking, the same voice said.
And lo and behold, the perfect pair of slides in my size were on the floor under the racks.
I always get what I need, when I need it. I know the material is a bad analogy to use to the spiritual, but this was the perfect way to describe the spiritual and emotional state I'm in these days. I *DO* see it.
And for those days that I don't, I will keep looking. Because the persistence always pays off.