Mom Stands In

So we got back from the Franklin Institute about an hour and half ago. For the record, it’s 11:15 Sunday morning.

Nic just started cub scouts in September, with a pack that is accepting of special needs kids. I’d say about half the kids in the pack have something going on, and the other half don’t. This weekend, our pack, and maybe a dozen others from the looks of it, camped out at the Franklin Institute.

I told dad that Scouts was his activity—he wanted Nic in the scouts, so I told him he needed to take Nic to the meetings and do whatever needed to get done to make Nic’s scouting experience successful.

So dad had pneumonia this week. Mom ended up chaperoning. When I saw that I was the only mom in testosterone central, I was not happy.

Neither were the guys, but that’s another post.

So after I got over my initial disgruntlement, and the fact that Nic had NO interest in running with his pack, I decided to sit back and let him lead. And guess what—we had fun.

Without the constraints of crowds, he was free to explore all the exhibits in his own time without waiting, without fighting for a turn. He particularly liked the amazing machines, which we missed when we went with his class last May—he spent a good hour running a crane, working a hydraulic maze, and building his own gears.

We also had a number of firsts—he liked the Liquid Air Show, which demonstrated the differences in solids, liquids and gases in a very real, immediate and fun way. Not too long ago, he would have elected to skip such an activity. And the IMAX? He did it—and loved it. Again, dad had to leave an IMAX after the first couple of minutes with Nic about 3 years ago. Nic sat through the whole thing and enjoyed it—despite the lateness of the hour.

(My big quibble with this Camp is the hours it keeps—lights out didn’t happen til 12:30 am. I am usually out by 9:30. PM.)

This morning, after years of sitting out of his school’s planetarium assemblies at our middle school, he elected to come into the planetarium because I wanted to do it. And he loved it.

From a social standpoint (if you are using that yardstick), it was less successful. Nic wanted to do what Nic wanted to do and was less interested in sharing this with his peers than experiencing things for himself. It wasn’t a disaster, but he simply didn’t care.

And I think this is where I need the wisdom to get that this is okay. That this is a conscious choice that Nic is making—to be alone, or at least be alone with me or dad. That’s always been okay for him. On one hand, I want to push him to socialize—but on the other, he does just FINE at school, thanks very much.

Interestingly, he does not want to hang out with the other identified kids in the pack—I guess he feels like he gets enough time with them during the week. There’s one (unidentified) kid who dad said has been a jerk to Nic and that we should have tried to avoid. I answered that no one else seemed to want to hang with that kid and that he probably has issues himself.

But labels or not, don’t we all have issues?

I’m sitting here writing after an outing that could have gone either way. And I’m not saying it was an unmitigated success—after all, we had a number of times this am when he screamed “I WANT TO PUSH MY OWN BUTTONS!” and forced us to wait for the next elevator. And people averted their eyes, went around us, and left me feeling embarrassed to be with this kid, then ashamed of my own embarrassment. Yeah, we had about a dozen of those moments. But those moments become insignificant when measured against these very simple things he did—going to the demonstration, sitting and experiencing IMAX, and—wonder of wonders—doing the show in the planetarium.

I have made my peace with the things my son is not. But everything he is? It’s simply amazing.

I had a lot of misgivings about this outing—not the least of which was the price tag. But I drove out of that dark parking garage in the bright sunlight of a Sunday morning thinking that this experience—for so many reasons—is priceless.

Stephen Colbert is Hot and Other Thoughts

I love Stephen Colbert. He's tall, dark, handsome, and funny as hell.

I started the new gig today. It's good. I'm in a good space.

Just realizing some things. One of the hardest things about living with Asperger's is that I hold everyone to my standard of honesty--and am always amazed when I am not treated in kind. It's even a bigger shock when I'm played for the bad guy when I'm the person who was wronged.

Amazingly, I am not bitter. I could be, but I'm not. These things are learning experiences, and I find that the stuff that costs me the most is the stuff that teaches me best.

So, in writing this, I turn the page to the next chapter of my career. I am amazed at where I'm going now, and how quickly things have moved along. Part of it was luck, part of it was positioning, and part of it was letting go and letting God.

I'm feeling good. And even better, the other piece, my writing, is flying along as my blog gets more readership, and as the paying gigs are stacking up.

It's all good. I'm a lucky woman.

By the way, BOO!

So the boys are out on the town getting goodies. It's off to a slow start here--we've had all of three kids. Nic observed that no one wants to come to our house. Well, we'll see about that.

So my boys got to be what they wanted to be: G is Lightning McQueen and Nic is The Man with the Yellow Hat from Curious George. I'm room mom yet again for Nic, and was responsible for helping plan the festivities. The other room mom is better at this stuff than I am. I herded the boys to the downstairs bathroom and helped them get dressed. Nic required a full costume change. And as he was getting into his get-up, I reflected on all the grief and aggravation that went into finding the pieces of it (which culminated in a yell fest and a call to my friend to borrow her Curious George).

But it was worth it as we paraded through the gauntlet of friends, parents and relatives to hear the gasps "Look, it's the Man with the Yellow Hat!" And the complimentary comments. That was pretty cool.

I just received a packet from Nic's teacher with all of his progress, sort of a pre-report card. He's doing great at the stuff they are teaching, and not so great with the 'testing' stuff. I really in a way don't care about the testing stuff. Maybe I should. But in a way, doesn't affect him directly, since he's got an IEP. I don't know, I need to learn more about that.

We just had a flurry of kids. Including my own. Yes, my two knuckleheads just ToT'ed their own house.

I'm going to sign off for now. But I leave you a pic.

Offer on the Table

I'm moving into the next phase of my life, whether I like it or not.

I've spent a lot of the last week on the road, logging over 1, 000 miles. And that week finished with me sitting with a good friend and fellow do-gooder...who is now literally the boss of me.

The funniest thing about this is that I'm taking a big paycut. (I will not give up my writing habit and indeed, I'll still be doing that to make my monthly nut) And it was still an easy offer for me to accept.

Why? Well, I'm already doing this for free, anyway. A lot of this new job will simply continue the work I've been doing in the special needs community for the last 5 years. And in a sense, it will give me more street cred, if that's possible.

DH isn't so sure this is a good thing. But I just feel it's right. I walked away from a few opportunities early this year because they didn't feel that great, even though the money was awesome and I heard from a few quarters that I was being bullheaded.

I've always been all about the greater good, and now I get to put my money where my mouth is.

Best Time Starting Now?

I'm a strong believer in the idea of a door closing, and a window opening in its place.

When one door banged unceremoniously shut earlier this month (I knew the slam was coming, anyway), that gave me ample pause. What now, what next, what will become of us? I love freelancing for the freedom it gives me; I dislike it for its uncertainty, although I have to say I always seem to make my minimum required monthly nut.

Sometimes it is VERY minimum. But it's better than nothing, so I will take it.

Anyway, stuff going away has allowed other stuff to come into its place. Granted, it's unpaid stuff, but a lot of it is reimbursable, great experience and training, and doing what I love, which is working with children and families to help connect them to services, activities, resources, and whatever support they need.

My time at the conference was invaluable for the networking--even though I didn't accomplish what I INTENDED to, I definitely accomplished what I NEEDED to. Things are happening because I was there, talking to the right people, getting the right stuff moving in a positive direction.

My best time spent was with my co-presenter, introducing her to the local winery. She had no idea it was there, and she told me before we parted that this was the best part of her trip (best part of mine too, I picked up some good wine!)

My boys were happy to see me, and I've been cleaning up the 'bachelor pad' ahead of my second departure to Pittsburgh for an overnight training tomorrow. Gabe and I spent a good morning bonding; we will go with Nic's Scout pack to the hayride tonight, then I will leave tomorrow before first light (again).

But I'll be back Saturday.

And in the space of my being gone, two more opportunities presented themselves. I have to make some decisions about how my time will be spent. But there is some very good stuff happening here.

I keep saying stuff. Well, it is.

But it's GOOD stuff......

Sierra Cadre

I am alone.

My family is at home, and I am here at the conference. Let's see, a car caught fire in front of me on the turnpike, and my day's been at that level of excitement since. Most of my time has been spent doing work as county co-chair, and trying to get an event off the ground. Surprise, we got the space, now all we have to do is get the agency to cooperate.

Actually, I am not alone.

I had a lot of support among many parents, providers, organizers and friends the last couple of days. Many hands lifting me up. I love these people.

I miss my kids. I miss DH.

But it's been a GOOD couple of days. And another door opened today.

It leads out. I am going places.

My baby is 5 today!

Yay Gabriel! I can't believe my sweet little guy is already 5! Seems like only a couple of months since I held my cuddly little guy in my arms. But it's been 60, and I can hear him reading "A Birthday Cake for Little Bear" while Nic works on his homework.

I was up at 6 baking like a maniac, and it's been baking central here. My third item of the day is currently in the oven ( a chocolate cake that the boys helped make). Morning muffins went to G's am class, and banana bread went to his pm class. As soon as the bread was out of the oven, we were off to school.

I dropped him off, went off to my aquatics class (really the best thing ever), had an awesome workout, dropped off the bread to G's pm class, and met SIL for lunch. I love SIL, she is probably my best friend on the planet. We did a post mortem of the weekend and talked about the next few weeks of events in our households. I head up to State College early tomorrow am until Wednesday night, and I found out that I made the cut in the state training, so I will be flying to Pittsburgh Friday am and returning Saturday night.

Oh yeah, and Gabriel and I go to Baltimore for his 5 year eval on Monday.

So I will be traveling, DH will hold down the fort, and it will be an interesting week here.

Good stuff is happening.

And my kids are doing well, Gabriel had an awesome weekend and a happy day today with his friends. I love hearing his voice, and he and Nic are arguing about the interpretation of the story G's reading.

They are the best of buds. Five years ago today, Gabriel made our family wonderful. It was before, but he made a brother out of Nic, and that was the best gift of all.