Showing up

 I had a funeral to attend this week. I balked at taking personal time; when I saw how much time I had banked, I was ashamed of the balk. 

As I was getting ready, elder came downstairs, early for him. Seeing as he had an empty dance card (and seeing how much this empty dance card is eating at him), I told him he was coming. Dad looked at me and scowled "COVD...."

Something snapped. "I KNOW!  And he needs to get out of the house, so maybe it's time to split the difference!"

"But I don't know her," Nic piped in from the other room. "Also, no elevators."

"You don't need to know her; you're not there for her," I replied. "You are there for the living. And it's important to show up." I glance meaningfully at dad. "Obligation."

So he comes with me. He's silent with his headphones on and I am silent in the silence of the car. Thinking about a lot of things. We talk about the family tree his cousins are working on as we near our destination.

We park in the back, near an entrance we've never been. Turns out there is an elevator, after all. 

Inside, we see no one we know. BIL shows up about 3 minutes ahead of show time. I text him our coordinates. He turns, scans, spies us, waves us up.

A ton of emotions to wade through throughout the the service. Nic quietly takes it all in. It's not his first rodeo, but it's the first he's been to since childhood. He makes eye contact with his cousins. They smize at him. 

We head out after. Talk about many things. Especially the importance of showing up. 

He learned one big thing.