I hope you get the help you need Part 2

I'm finally at a point where I can write this.

A couple of years ago, I had someone try to tell me how to raise my kids at a holiday function.

I thought it was hilarious. This person had no contact with my kids outside of a few interactions over the course of a dozen years, therefore, no context.  I could barely contain an eyeroll and said pretty much thanks, I've been living this 24/7/365 for years, I think I have a handle on it.

Except.....that person got butthurt about it, and through a series of freak accidents, I somehow ended up apologizing. Like I always do.   The whole thing turned into me being over sensitive, taking things the wrong way.....

Except....my boys were there, and are witnesses themselves that, yes, these things were said, yes, this was how they, too, interpreted events as I did.

Except...autism makes us unreliable witnesses.

Or....does it?

If three people variably impacted experience events and people the same way, doesn't that mean there's an agreement of the way events unfolded?  And there was an agreement, that yes, there was tone, yes, so and so said this, but because we are who we are, our experience is invalid?

Elder even rolled his eyes at me and said "MOM.  I've been telling you this for YEARS."

He's an authority on gaslighting. This was his entire fifth grade year, in a nutshell. How somehow HE was the bully when he was outnumbered by kids (led by adults) who insisted they were trying to "help" him, and he "misunderstood" them.

And I have some swamp land in Florida to sell you.

Going back to the first blog I wrote about this back in September, about the relative who told me that she hopes I get the help I need--I have a message for you.

How dare you?  Any reason I need help was caused by you--over years, decades of your fault finding. I tried my best and my hardest to make up for all my perceived deficits, only to have you start fights by saying what was on your mind, and put me in the position to apologize for whatever bullshit way I slighted you. You walked all over me because everyone else did, and because it was "okay."  Fuck you. It's not okay. It was NEVER okay.  But I let so much pass in the name of keeping peace.  YOURS.  Not mine. And I paid a stupidly high price for YOUR peace.  Namely, mine. And it literally drove me crazy.

I'm done supplicating.

You're dismissed.