Sorting out all the things

 "Sometimes I want to break you/

And bring you to your knees...."

A line from a song that my first serious boyfriend referred to as our song.  I called him on that line.  He laughingly dismissed me.

And then I dismissed him.

I'm one of the lucky ones.

Lucky in that I prefer to be alone and satisfied with my own company than to be with an abuser.

Sooooo many layers to that statement.....

Your relationships early on influence the way they will go forward. Once I rued the fact that I wasn't, like one sibling, a collector--people friends with literally a life time.  My friendships generally have a finite lifespan, partly because I lose patience with people and partly because if you hurt me, you are dead to me.

It's not a perfect science, but I'm not, either.

I'm okay to be alone in a crowd.  If I don't have anyone to talk to, I enjoy people watching.  Sometimes I will insert myself, and more often, I won't.

And sometimes getting in a word edgewise is too much work.

Ten years ago today I did something that influenced my  current professional life for the better.  I stepped into a role left void and it turned out, I was most excellently suited for it.

I'm thinking that from a career standpoint, perhaps I am a collector of sorts. I do have my peeps going back a while now, whose company I enjoy and seek out. 

I will never be an SVP anywhere, but I don't care. I like my little backwater. I like the life I created for myself and my boys. Now the next big step will be to help them both build a life they themselves will be happy to inhabit.