Connection

 So where do I start? Elder opted to drop a class that he was actually doing okay in, and I feel like when he decided to quit the movie theater, just devastated, and I don’t know why. My own distraction since mom’s departure for the underworld leaves the rest of my house wondering how to deal with me. Indeed, I don’t even know how to deal with myself. I am living in the immediate moment because I literally don’t know what else to do with myself. 

My sadness is sometimes compact, and other times it spills out into the room around me. Will a shower help?  Purging some of the clutter? Everything happens in fits and starts; ADHD is a thing. 

Today is Fr M’s birthday. I called him, which is something unprecedented, but the whole ‘mom dying before I thought that was going to happen’ thing is causing me to do a lot of unprecedented things. He asked me how my family was: I shared Elder’s new collegiate adventures (leaving out the dropped class) and Younger’s impending joining him, and about the housing situation we hope pans out for them both. He rejoiced along with me, had kind words, but our time was short since he needed to be elsewhere, celebrating a funeral mass for a fellow priest an hour away (on his birthday).

I got off the phone, feeling chuffed that I did a thing, happy to hear my good friend sounding hale and hearty at 84, hoping we can have more celebrations and I get one more chance to drive him around in the little red car.

I gotta make this happen.