“Are you happy?”

So the four of us were part of a family panel this weekend for a family advocacy training (that I completed myself 14 years ago). The boys were part of the panel last year, with dad and I offering clarification from the back of the room; because of that, we were invited to be a part of the panel this year. I wondered how much my guys understood the importance and impact of their presentation and was frankly irritated with them both for what I felt was their lack of seriousness in preparation.

They showed me up, but I get ahead of myself.

Their presentations ran like last year. Elder explained some of the changes over the past year, but assured his listeners he was looking for a competitive full time job.  I bit the inside of my mouth, thinking of how all his discretionary time and energy is expended. Hubby’s thoughtful insight reminded me of all the stuff I didn’t do while I was in the throes of fighting for, getting, and maintaining services and supports back in the day.

Self-care. It’s still a new concept to me.

Elder floored me with his assessments of where he saw himself in 5-10 years….with a full time job, hopefully married, hopefully starting a family “but, he added quickly, “in case none of that works out, I know I don’t want to be alone, so at least I have my parents and [younger brother].

That was like a throat punch. Time isn’t flowing as fast from him as it is his parents.

It was a good conversation between the families, among the parents.

One mom asked, “Are you happy? That’s one of the things that keeps me up at night.”

Me too, ma’am, me too.

I wasn’t prepared for both my guys leaning forward in their seats, eager to answer. I was less prepared for their answers.

“Yes, yes, absolutely yes.” 

I could feel her relief. And I felt my own.

Life’s not perfect, but I think we as parents can all agree that the one thing we wish for our kids is to be happy.

I will keep wishing for that.