New Horizons

The best part of getting older is the realization that nothing is forever.

I used to worry a lot more about things that don't matter much in the grand scheme.  And I still tend to get anxious about small things. But distractability works heavily in my favor for the most part, since there is always stuff that needs to get done, phone calls that need to get made, and general stuff that comes from living the life on the edge of the spectrum.

Lately people tell me more than they think they are telling me--it's not the how much, but the what.  For example, elder's teacher all but came out and told me he's not hireable. He's certainly employable, but that whole autistic thing is going to get in the hiring way.

I know that. I knew that. I think back to the young lady I wanted to hire 22 years ago and how my boss at the time negated my hire.  The young lady who came in her place was a different kind of lovely (I called her Little Flower, because she was), but the other one, who was shy, had a limp, was certainly on the spectrum, haunts me because I wanted to give her a chance.

And likely my sons will find themselves in the same bind.

And here's the other thing;  I was not overwhelmed by the students chosen to rep at the open house yesterday. I wondered why Nic wasn't selected. Did he opt out?  He says so. I wonder if he talked himself out of wanting to partake. After all, is a young man on the spectrum what they want to represent them?  Well mannered or no, he's still not "normal" even though people hasten to assure me normal is not all that.

Normal gets you in the front door. I passed for normal my whole life, and I know that owning my own disability won't do me any favors because we're not living in that world.

Plus I'm old(er). That definitely doesn't help.

I need to devote my energies to helping my guys find their places in this world.  No one else is going to help.