Very Quick, Very Triumphant

Have to get the kiddoes to bed, but wanted to report that Nic did fantastic today--had his pic taken alone and with the team for basketball. And I struck a deal with him.

"Can we go to KoP Fountain Store?" he asked me.

"Only if you play half a game today," I answered. All the kids got a play half a game, but Nic up til now has only been doing 3-5 minutes. It was time to kick it up a notch.

He started all quarters, but played the first 5 of the first two and only about 3 minutes of the third. Then he went in for the last quarter. Not only did he play the full quarter, he actually scored a basket and the place went wild! :)

His face lit up the whole gym. He was so proud of himself, and I was so proud of him, myself. The mom who joined me with the coaches on the sidelines shared my joy when the ball went in.

So, we celebrated, took Nic to the fountain store, he and Gabriel shared their very first Starbucks hot chocolate, and then we went out for a celebratory dinner. G has a birthday party while Nic's game was going on, so he and dad went there, and G had an excellent time with his friends.

So there was plenty of celebration this evening.

I am SO proud of them both! What an awesome day.

Now, time for bed.

And the follow up--stellar report card for our Nic

Nic actually went up in just about every subject and grading parameter this quarter. He dropped to an A- in math and came down in one (of 42) grading parameters. But overall, he just blew me out of the water. The icing on the cake was this note from his teacher today (I had shared the good moment at the doctor's, and this is her response):

Thanks so much for sharing this with me. I have seen Nic take a lot of great steps this past year, especially these past few weeks. For example, in the beginning of the year -- Nic always asked to have another boy walk him down to the bathroom, water fountain, another classroom, etc. In the last few weeks, when Nic needs to go somewhere, he has felt very comfortable going by himself and has been very successful at it.

This past week, I was very happy to see him working nicely with his Science project group. His group was working on finding information about rain forests. Nic was able to record all the information with his group and contributed a lot on the poster they had to create. This would have been a huge challenge for him at the beginning of the year. Today, one of the members of his group went home sick and he really stepped it up to help finish the poster with the other group member.

I can't tell you what a pleasure it is to work with Nic each day. We are both learning so much this year! Looking forward to seeing you next week. Have a great weekend!!!

He also brought home 2 As in projects he did, plus an 84 in his map and landform test.

I am SO proud of this boy!!

Can't Teach the Swish and Other Notes

So we get in to see the ped, and after about 10 minutes of searching Nic's ears, throat, tongue and gums, she concludes that the inflammation owes to a new tooth Nic is cutting. The Rx is hot compresses to the inflamed node and salt water washes twice a day.

Here's a problem. Nic doesn't know how to swish.

"Mom, how do you *do* that?" he asked last night.

Er. Hmm. Good question. I take the salt water mix and demonstrate. And Nic stares, fascinated.

"But how do you *do* it?" He asked again.

And I am flummoxed. Much of what I've learned in life has been either by a) direct instruction--getting some one I trusted implicitly to teach me something in a normal universe I would have known how to do on my own and b) trying, failing miserably, brushing myself off, and trying again, and again, and again.

I have no words for any of it, so I demonstrate again. And Nic by now is really amused, fascinated, and just a little bit annoyed that this swish thing is not coming nearly as naturally to him as it is to me.

So, he takes a mouthful, tilts his head to and fro, and spits. I make him repeat it twice more and give him some seltzer to chase the salt out.

I'm not stressing about the swish, however. When we went into the office, Nic greeted Dr. R with a handshake, climbed up on the table, told her exactly what was bothering him, and cooperated willingly with her instructions.

If this does not sound like a big deal, less than six months ago I dragged him kicking and screaming out of the van to see the doctor.

Six years ago, Nic the nonverbal toddler screamed, thrashed and hit his way through a physical in this same office.

Watching this same child conduct himself so maturely and matter-of-factly yesterday simply blew me away.

But it was very simple. I told Nic that if he wanted to get rid of that lump, then he needed to talk to Dr R, tell her what was bothering him, and do whatever Dr R asked him to do. And he simply wants to get better.

So.

Meanwhile, G occupied himself with the toys in her office and was looking forward to our adventures afterward. We went over to the mall and picked up invites for Nic's party (will make some phone calls behind the scenes to make sure we have at least 6 kids next week), and then went over to Costco for a food run after.

So what happened next--instructive to me yet again how different the boys are. G insisted on riding in the front of the cart, despite repeated scoldings to get off, you'll hurt yourself. Predictably, he falls off, hurts himself, and I scold him again.

It takes me a moment to realize that he is blinking back tears, the corners of his little mouth turned down in almost clownish exaggeration. But he is really trying hard not to cry.

I knelt down next to him, ashamed of myself. "Are you okay? Is your foot hurt?"

He threw his little arms around my neck and buried his face in my jacket. Meanwhile, Nic is nattering in the background, "I am behaving, but G is not. I get pizza and he doesn't. G is too big to carry. Mom? Why are you picking him up?"

"Is Nic talking too much?" I whisper in G's ear. G nods against my jacket. "Nic, G says you're talking too much, can you give us a second?"

I put G on the ground again and remove his shoe and sock so I can examine his foot. He appreciates this. "I'm okay, mom, can I have some pizza?"

But that...that he is such a little man already, trying not to cry. So NOT his big brother--where did he learn that? Where did that come from?

*Sigh*

Both of my little men are growing up....so quickly....

And Nic addressed his invites this am. I hope for a couple affirmative replies. It's only a week out, so we'll see....I can't believe he's going to be 9....

Now what?

So Nic had a bad night at b-ball the other night. I heard him complaining about a cramp when he came in. I was busy getting G down to bed, so didn't see what the cramp was about, where it was, or whatever.

So last night I get called into Nic's room as Dh was getting Nic ready for bed. There's a lump under his chin and above his neck. And he says it hurts.

After DH argue over the fact that this *is* in fact in the first time I've heard about it, we settle down and agree that his doctor needs to be called.

So, we go in this afternoon. I'll pick both he and G up from school and head over. Then we'll have some adventures.

That is, if we don't have to go to the ER first....

Snow Day

Nothing knocks out the best laid plans better than mother nature.

Not sure why they canceled school altogether since roads are now clear and a two-hour day would have more that sufficed. BUT, as it is, catching up on things around the house, with the spouse, went sledding in the slush with the kids. We're sitting around, enjoying the warmth and drinking hot cocoa.

Although I think the kids like the idea of hot cocoa than the actual thing, because I am finishing theirs. But it's a good thought.

So B was out there on the hill again today--he showed up maybe 10 minutes after us. Nic and he had a good time together, and I really like that he has Nic's back. Nic was a knucklehead a few times out there, and B stepped up and stepped in. What an awesome kid he is.

G and I threw snowballs at each other. I had a few good runs down the hill. But it was more slush than snow, and the hill was a muddy, slushy mess. The kids stripped in the mud room when we got back, it was that bad.

I went out to clear Dh's car earlier and the kids from across the street were circling--not sure why. It's not like they knock for my kids. I'm kind of bad, because I just don't address them at all. I should at least say hello, but what's the point? I used to, and they looked at me like I had two heads.

So now I don't bother.

Well, it's an ongoing thing. I hesitate to call it an issue, because it isn't really. It's just the difference between me and my kids and the rest of the neighborhood.

Easier for DH to cope because he doesn't deal with the crap on a daily basis.

So he went into work, I'm doing work but will have a better shot at getting stuff done tomorrow and Friday. And I'm just trying to get past the rising panic about the economy, work, and all that fun stuff. Just wondering how much further we're going to fall before we hit bottom. Wonder what bottom is going to look like.

Keep telling myself it doesn't matter, but fear is an awful thing. Pervasive.

Wondering how badly I'm failing at other things.

Not really feeling bad or depressed, just wondering what's next. Feeling a little unsettled.

Have to reset Nic's meeting--probably next week some time. Also have to get his invites sent out for his party. Should probably get that done today.

Hope we get a couple kids. That's all I ask.

Kid on the Verge of a Nervy Breakthrough

My firstborn really knows how to suck all the air out of the room. And he's doing it again.

The anxiety ratchets up when he's on the verge of doing something new. This is one thing I've learned in my nearly nine years of motherhood. The behaviors amp up, the stims multiply, and just when I think I can't take anymore--*BANG*--he's doing something I never thought possible, or at least thought was years in the offing.

One problem: I never know WHAT'S coming. I only know THAT it's coming.

Interestingly, the word I get from his regular ed teacher is that he's doing fine. Apparently, the behaviors are happening during pullouts.

HMMM. I think I pointed out a correlation between behaviors and safe places for those behaviors...and maybe this argues strongly against pullouts? After all he gets pulled out...with the other autistic kids...

Hm. I'll put that to one side.

So tonight he didn't want to get into the pool. Vince, bless his heart, doesn't take any crap off of Nic and managed to get him in. And guess what, Nic is now swimming across the pool.

This is the kid who a scant two years ago wouldn't even set foot in a pool. Now he's putting goggles on and putting his head under water.

And after all that pushback, he stayed in the pool 40 minutes beyond his lesson tonight, working on his stroke and kicking.

And Gabriel still moves through the water like a little seahorse. He needs to go horizontal, but his vertical hold is broken. At least in bed. Seems to be intact in the pool.

And tonight was pretty cool because while my kids stayed in the pool, I got to sit and talk with a fellow warrior mom about Nic's sitch. She had some good ideas for me to bring into the meeting tomorrow.

If there is a meeting--there may be snow.

Oh well, if there is snow, there be sledding.....

The Food Thing

I had an interesting conversation with some one today that got me thinking about my current situation with Nic and junk food. And body image. And a whole lot of other stuff related to food and eating and all that wonderful stuff.

Nic's big thing right now is junk food and how to get it. If we kept it in the house, he'd tip the scales. Lately, it's just gotten insane.

I lived this myself. Food was a comfort for me, and I ate when I was bored, or sad, or lonely. When we first moved out to Long Island over 17 years ago, food and drink was my solace. As a result, I hit my heaviest adult weight--154 lbs (minus my pregnancies, naturally). In the grand scheme, not horrible, since I am 5' 7 1/2. That was what I was when we married. And I wore a size 12.

I lost my dead end job and found an entry-level job in NYC. And a few things happened. First, it was necessary for me to walk from Penn Station to 3rd Ave and 50th St since the train pass alone beggared us. And over time, the candy bar in the afternoon was replaced with fruit, soda was replaced with water...and within 6 months I dropped 20 lbs and 3 dress sizes. And pretty much have stayed there ever since. I'm not built to be super-skinny, and I'm fine with that. I like myself and am comfortable with the way I look.

But, how I feel is really tied in with how I look, not psychologically, but physically. I had to figure out over time that my bipolar tendencies had its roots in sugar consumption, that digestive complaints came from fried food, and I think I was finally in my late 20s that I figured that I literally was what I ate--and had to monitor that. There was a lot of physiological stuff that was easily corrected with diet and exercise...but I had to work it out on my own.

That said, I need to figure out how to deal with Nic's issues. We share a lot of the same sensitivities...but this kid is a walking id. He's 9. I expect he's going to have to put on a lot of weight, be uncomfortable in that weight, and take it off when he's good and ready to do it.

This is where I really do not think natural consequences is the right way to go. Too much at stake--heart disease, type II diabetes, high blood pressure. I can't just let it happen.

What to do.....what to do.....