9 days left and I haven't started shopping?

Nope. It's a lean year, and my list is small. I'll be doing a lot of baking.

Had a nice set of parties last weekend, and the kids had a great time. This weekend will be quieter, but enough out and about to keep everyone happy.

Will be doing a lot of teaching the kids how to give. We've been fortunate, so we will be helping out those less so, because we can. My kids will be the ones doing the giving. I want them to understand that you get back so much more than you give.

I live that. I want them to learn it.

I also want them to learn what mercy is. There are so many adults who don't get mercy, so with a little help from Wikipedia, let me explain:

Mercy is a word used to describe compassion shown by one person to another, or a request from one person to another to be shown such leniency or unwarranted compassion for a crime or wrongdoing. One of the basic virtues of chivalry, Christian ethics, Judaism, and Islam, it is also related to concepts of justice and morality in behaviour between people. In India, compassion is known as karuna.

Leniency. Compassion. Traits sorely lacking in some people. A big conundrum with me is people who think the world owes them something. People who are bitter because they refuse to take responsibility for their own lives (self-determination, anyone?) or their own actions. It's so easy to point the finger at other people and blame others for what the blamer has failed to accomplish in his or her own life. When you are looking for blame? Find a mirror.

You make your own luck. You make your own decisions. Aspergers has cost me friends, jobs, relationships, but you know what, I don't blame Aspergers. I learn from my mistakes. AND I MOVE ON.

I encourage others to do the same. Own your lives. Own your mistakes. Take responsibility for your actions. Everything has a cause and effect. It takes so little to bring joy to others. Why not expend that energy for good in this season?

Make your life extraordinary. Make your corner of the world a better place.

Think the world owes you? That other people owe you?

Think again.

Gangbusters

Had Gabriel's last meeting with the IU today. And it is the last, since finally we have all the pieces we need in place for a successful transition to Kindergarten.

And it's been a hell of a road. We've had eight meetings for G in the last year. We nearly went to due process last year over OT, and ironically, he's getting more of that (and without an argument) than any other therapy.

Today, his team was all there, and Miss M, his teacher from his regular ed placement, played a pivotal role today in giving the rest of his team a perspective that they haven't gotten. It's a marvel she gives so much, when really the only thing she is getting out of it is how to effectively teach MY child. How wonderful that she is so invested in his success. I am amazed and touched at how much she has done and continues to do for my little guy.

I feel much better about this big change ahead. I think he will be ready, and we will be ready, for what lies ahead.

On another note, Nic continues to make friends and headway in third grade. The neighborhood still leaves much, but that's okay. There's a bigger world out there that both my boys are preparing for. And they continue to amaze and inspire me.

The thanksgiving dinner happens tomorrow night--yay!

Exhaling

Tonight I am making a special dinner: roasted chicken with sausage and spinach stuffing, turnips, asparagus and cranberry sauce. I'm giving thanks. It's a special occasion.

It'll be the first time I'm using the new stove; indeed, it'll be the first time I cooked a meal in a couple weeks (or close to it). Andy took MIL back on Friday, I stayed home and played catch up with work and home stuff, and we went to our family retreat weekend Friday night.

The short report is that it was awesome. With a little tweaking it will be brilliant. My partners in crime not only heard everything I said in setting up, they heard a lot of things I didn't say, and the result was a weekend of healing and respite for all of us. We made new friends--and our kids made new friends, too. Nic had a great conversation with a brilliant 15 year old boy about the properties of magnets (they were working at the Magnetix table together, and I daresay they both learned a couple things from one another).

I had some great conversations with people I've previously been in the same room with, but never had time to talk to. Andy had some great conversations with the guys as they drank beer and did a service project together. We exchanged emails, phone numbers, and are making plans to get our families together offsite.

The boys had a blast. We had movie night on Friday, Saturday they spent moonbouncing, playing kickball, doing various sensory play, computers, swimming, running, jumping, and bouncing, and Sunday we all made a gingerbread house before closing up and heading home.

I got together with my family for a birthday party, and that let me down. I cried some going home. As near as I could figure, it was the contrast between spending the weekend with other people who 'get it' and then listening to my mom and sisters rip apart other people.

I stopped them a few times reminding them that it's not their place to judge, reminding them that I am well aware that people judge ME. They would cool off for about five minutes and then ramp up on some one else.

Andy asked me what was wrong, and I couldn't verbalize it.

But if I had the sense to say so at the time, I would have asked 'and what makes you so perfect?'

Andy says I take people--I guess meaning our families--too seriously. But he reminded me that plenty of people in our situation are actually estranged from their respective families of origin--but we are not.

Well, we are not because we both realize that our kids recognizing their tribes of origin is important.

But honestly? Sometimes my own family does me more harm than good. I want to shield my boys from the harm, but I don't know that it's possible. My brother and SIL 'get it'--and no one else in our families seems to.

And my boys always seem to know where they are welcome. They never want to leave my brother's--and yet despite all the toys as their aunt's house, when I said it was time to go, they were ready, jackets on, zero arguments.

It was also a long weekend.

But anyway, giving thanks--thanks for good friends, the family of my creation, those which do not share my blood but share my heart and soul, that there is a place in this world for my boys, and I know how to show them where to find it--and at worst, create that space, if it comes that.

I couldn't have appreciated this weekend without the contrast, but it was bittersweet, nevertheless.....

It's a Faith Thing

It's been an eventful 48 hours.

Where we are at this moment: it is unclear when or if nephew will show up to pick up and deliver MIL to her rightful residence. Adding to the fun is the fact that DH is somewhere to the north and west. Possibly at Costco. But we are not sure, since he left his phone plugged in here to this outlet, where it is not doing him much good.

MIL tried calling him repeatedly. Until I pointed his phone ringing on the chair across the room.

She started to admonish me for this, but thought the better of it. Good for her. She's figuring it out.

Necessity compelled me to speak with Perky this pm. She parked herself in my driveway while I was talking to G's bus driver. Trying to think if I gave her any ammo; it wasn't a bad conversation, but I always suspect she's on a fishing expedition to tease out something to discuss with Capri2.

You know what, I don't even know why I devote any bandwidth to this. She talks about everyone to everyone. Leave it there.

Nic owes me language arts homework. I'll sit on him in another 10 minutes to get that done.

A Christmas card from an unexpected source came today. I think for some odd reason that it will have some company in the coming weeks. It'll be interesting to see who else I hear from.

Poetic justice comes in a variety of sizes, shapes, colors and flavors. Savory irony is my favorite.

And I had lunch with a good friend today. I met my brother on Tuesday. It's been a good week to connect, reconnect and realign. I have a job on my hands straightening out my life sitch. It's not bad--DH and I have arrived onto the same page in different ways and different times, but we are here, and it's working out.

But I sketched out all my commitments--the work, volunteer, church stuff--and add to it my boys' activities....it's all gotten a little out of control. I tend to over commit because 1) I never turn down work 2) a lot of causes I care about are tied up directly to my kids and their services, so I am constantly volunteering and training with that in mind 3) my faith is important to me and I am trying to teach my boys the important role that God plays in their lives--with no help from my agnostic DH--so the church stuff is another nonnegotiable and 4) this isn't necessarily the real order of my priorities, it's just how they came out.

Part of this can be attributed that I am literally running from my house, which needs repair and renovation, neither of these things I want to address in this iffy economic situation; the other part of it is that I am running from my neighbors and giving my sons lives and friends beyond this street. I'm not saying this is the right way to do this, but it's what's going on, like it or not.

Actually, circling back here, my church stuff is what really gets DH's knickers in a twist. Which is tough, because it's the most important to me, and he's got to figure out a way to accommodate it.

My faith gets me through. A friend sent me this yesterday: Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is.

My entire adult life has been a leap of faith. And God has never dropped me.


I'll work it out. I always do.

No Easy Fixes

Staring at the smoldering pile of ruins that was my image of myself. I know I am not always right, but being shown precisely how wrong I am and in such a detailed fashion is humbling.

Hand me the shovel and find yourself a good book, this could take a while....

Maybe not so much

So Andy came back with Nic and said that Nic started falling apart during the scrimmages. The North Hills kids on the team naturally have game, and Nic clearly does not.

This is something I can actually work with him on, having played myself. Whether he wants to is another story.

And Andy said there was a bunch of fifth graders making fun of Nic. One made the mistake of getting in Andy's face, and Andy flipped him off. Apparently that came as a bit of a shock to the offender, because that was the last Andy saw of him.

So, so, so. So Andy will bring Nic over to practice from camp on Saturday afternoon. We really can't afford to miss, so we need to keep on this.

Why does this have to be so fucking hard?

MIL is still here. Of course. She was on her cookie mission yesterday (she had all her stuff all over kitchen and instructed the kids to me for dinner....fortunately, she didn't have custody of the microwave) and she will be making pies today. And she HAS to stay until Thursday.

Here's the other thing. She could make the freaking pies at her place. We don't have any place to store them, since she BROUGHT 3 pies, no, make that 4--with her. I have a freezer full of food. I am guessing she is making these pies and nephew will schlep them back to his house, because there is no room at this inn.

Okay, *deep breath.* Time to fill that half-empty glass. Let's see, ample work to do? Check (get it done, you have a whole day to catch up). Clothes to wear? Check (do some laundry). Family with you? Check. (Hugging my little one).

God is good. Back to work.

Early reports of success

Nic is doing township basketball tonight. Dad's report from 15 minutes ago is that he is having a blast.

I think going with his peers was the right move in this case. More news as it comes in.