Forty minutes

 It’s been a fraught little while.

There’s just a lot, lately. Today it all spilled over. As it will.

Elder’s been sick, and getting him the necessary care has been a little more complicated than it should have been. Nevertheless, he eventually got what he needed and is recovering.

We helped him with his medication and left for our respective destinations. He went back to sleep. I had left my personal phone in my purse while I attended a meeting. When I returned, it was time for elder to be at work.

Except…the usual notification from his service letting me know he was on his way was missing. I took my phone outside and started dialing. 

He usually picks up maybe the second or third go-round. Ten minutes had passed, and he still hadn’t picked up.

Trying to contain my mounting panic, I called hubby, who talked me off my ledge. Next I called his job and explained circumstances. His co-worker was calm and polite. Then I resumed dialing, alternating between his cell and our landline.

At some point the tears started again. What if he didn’t wake up? I kept dialing. Hanging up. Dialing. Hubby texted me he was headed home to check on him.

I finally gave up 40 minutes in. And less than a minute after my last attempt, elder finally returned my call.

I started sobbing all over again, this time with relief at hearing his voice. The irritation he had at being sick turned into concern. “Mom, I’m fine, I was just lying on my good ear.”

I called hubby back and told him he could go back to work; elder was up.

I pulled myself together and went back to my desk.

*******************

Coming home, tears welled up again. I remembered something I hadn’t thought about in decades. My dad was still alive, because we girls were still in the back bedroom. I was going through a cupboard in the basement, looking at Halloween costumes. For some reason, this was forbidden, because my younger sister saw what I was doing and said she was telling on me. 

I think I had been on a tear of bad behavior because getting told on AGAIN scared me enough to run up to my bedroom and hide under my bed. I heard my siblings running around looking for me, and at one point, feet passed inches from my face. I lay still, which was no mean feat for me. There was a toy under the bed; I played with it while I pondered whether or not I should come out from my hiding place. Eventually, I dozed off.

When I woke up, the shadows were long across the bedroom. It was quiet. I wondered where everyone went. I crawled out from under the bed and wandered through the house. I eventually found my mom in the basement, crouched low, looking through the cupboard that got me into trouble in the first place. I touched my mom’s shoulder. She spun around and grabbed me, sobbing, asking where I went.

I guess I felt a little like elder did earlier today.

I also felt relieved that I wasn’t going to get punished.

Lots of things running full circle.